AN ADULTERER SEES HIMSELF INDULGING IN VICE AT THE KAABA
AS the time for 'Isya was almost upon us, my friend Azmi told me that he wanted to go to Al-Masjid al-Haram to do 'Isya prayer, Tarawih, and Tawaf Sunat. It was early Ramadan at the time and we had carried out our first umra during the day. After tahalul, we returned to our respective hotels.
"I am going to the Kaaba, Jalal," said Azmi, who was still clad in his Ihram.
"Do you know the way?" I asked.
"You show me. I'll okay coming back," he replied.
"We came down from the hotel and I showed Azmi the route that he should take. It just so happened that we we were staying at the As-Syamiah hotel, located near the Babul Medina, just literally across the road, so it was not going to be difficult for Azmi to find his way back. Even though it was his first time in Mecca, I was sure that he would not get lost.
Azmi, in this 30s, had been married a few months. He's a happy-go-lucky guy, who was not bothered at all about sinning. He was a Hatyai-frequenter, ladies man, gambler and someone who liked to drink. Prayers? Far from it. He constantly changed girlfriends too.
But for some strange reason, Allah stirred his interest to go for umra with the group that I was leading. It was also the case that one of the members of the group had pulled out and I got Azmi to take his place.
"Azmi, if you get lost, and don't know how to get back to the hotel, you just look at the green light in the mosque. That should be your guide," I said.
"Ok. I'm going now. I'll be back after prayers and Tawaf," said Azmi and immediately left for Al-Masjid al-Haram. I returned upstairs to the hotel.
However, by 9.00 pm, Azmi had not returned to the hotel. By 11.00 pm, there was still no sight of him. My heart felt uneasy because as a group leader, I was responsible for anything that happened to the people in my group. I waited a while longer but by midnight, Azmi still had not returned. My heart was thumping with worry.
I came down from the hotel and started to look for him in the mosque, but there was no sight of him. After some time, I suddenly remembered about the green light that I had asked Azmi to use as his guide. Just as I had guessed, I saw that he was indeed there. He was leaning against the side of the fence by Zamzam well near where the women were praying.
"Hey Azmi, what are you doing?" I called out. He remained silent. I slapped him on the shoulders, yet no response. He looked so forlorn and his eyes were focused in one direction. Dissatisfied with Azmi's behaviour, I put my hand against his forehead.
"Are you sick, Azmi?" I joked.
He still did not respond. I placed my hand in front of his eyes, and strangely enough, still there was no reaction from him. In fact, he did not even blink; his eyes were trained on the Kaaba. Several question started playing in my mind.
"Which Arab woman has suddenly caught his fancy, I wonder," I said to myself, in jest. Again, I held his shoulder, and yet still the same response Azmi completely ignored me.
"Eh, what's wrong with him?" I started to sense that there was something amiss with Azmi. In the midst of my confusion, I suddenly saw Azmi cried. His tears fell down one by one.
Having studied psychology before, I let him be so that he could release everything that was pent up inside him. He continued to cry while I was plagued by so many questions. It was definitely strange because in all the time that I had known him, I had never seen him crying like this. The only thing he never seen him cry like this. The only thing he ever did was laugh uproariously and then continued with his immoral activities.
After half an hour, when I felt that Azmi had finally released everything inside that was plaguing him, I stood in front of him. He looked directly at my face. Suddenly, he hugged me as if he wanted to release something that had touched him so deeply.
His voice choking, Azmi said: "Jalal, take me back to the hotel."
"Azmi, don't you fool around here."
"Please. Just take me back to the hotel..."
As I was still unsure of the change in his behaviour, I took him to a restaurant. After he had eaten, and seemed a lot calmer, I asked him. "What is wrong with you, Azmi? Were you lost?"
Azmi could only lower his heads. "No." A few moments later, he said: "Jalal... I am a very bad person."
"If you have come to your senses, that's good. But tell me, what actually happened to you?" I said, half-joking.
Again, with his voice low, and his face full of sorrow, Azmi recounted to me what had happened to him earlier. According to him, he had intended to return to the hotel after doing his Tawaf. However, when he looked again at the Kaaba, he got completely transfixed.
"When I was looking at the Kaaba, I saw myself there. All the things I had been doing were reflected there. I saw me. It's true, Jalal. I wasn't dreaming or imagining," said Azmi, with tears welling up in his eyes. My desire to know was heightened.
Azmi continued with his story. He said that at the time, the covering on the Kaaba and its whole wall were transformed into a screen, the kind you get in the cinema.
"The 'movie' was about me, and about all the sins that I had committed all this while. Jalal, believe me, I saw myself there... I was the main cast, I was the actor, I was the villain... everything was about me. I saw the things I got up to with all these women, the gambling, the drinking, so many other things... until it got to the point that even I could not bear to watch myself," he said, his voice choking.
The things he spoke off were all those immoral activities that he had engaged in with his girlfriends.
"What I saw was exactly as how I had done it."
Alhamdulillah, Azmi had been privy to Allah's greatness and majesty. Even though he had slipped off the rightful path, he was still considered lucky.
Trying to contain his sadness, Azmi told me that he 'movie' began with the scene of when he first met his girlfriend. It was followed by another scene of when he coaxed the woman until he got what he wanted, took her to the hotel, back to the house, into the bedroom and eventually committing the immoral deed. These women even included those who were still virgins.
"Allah showed me everything, Jalal. If I had done it with Milah 10 times, then for 10 times that act was repeated. Then Allah showed how I had committed another act with another woman, and then another... with all the prostitutes and all my ex-girlfriends, until I couldn't bear to watch anymore," he said, crying uncontrollably.
"I am a bad person, Jalal... I am bad..." His crying truly moved me.
Azmi told me that the strange incident occurred around 11.00 pm after he had done his Tawaf Sunat, and went on until the point that I approached him, which was 2.00 am. What was clear was that it happened during the point of transition of night into day. It was during the period, when the dew was just settling and there was calm in the air, that Azmi found himself at a loss. The crowd around the Kaaba disappear from his sight. To him, he was the only one at the mosque who was seeing Allah's greatness unfolding right before his very eyes.
The experience left an indelible mark on Azmi. Several times he returned to the Kaaba to see it all again, but to no avail.
Alhamdulillah, the incident really made him wake up to his follies. When he got back to the country, he never once missed his prayers. Whenever the azan sounded, he would rush to do his prayers. He never drank or gambled anymore. And he did not indulge in adultery. What made me glad was that he frequently attended religious talks.
Azmi said that the incident had really made him come to his senses. One day, he expressed his regret to me.
"Jalal, what kind of human being am I? I had sex with one woman, and then another, and then more... what happened to those women?" His regret was such that he was even afraid to make love with his wife.
"I'm scared, Jalal. What will become of my child? Will he become like me? Or like those women whose lives I have destroyed? The ones who sold their self and soul..."
N / F : FROM "THE BEST COLLECTION OF STORIES FROM MECCA", BY MASTIKA.
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